Oh Blast!
by Lily meet Ginny
Summary: After an unannounced visit from the minister necessitates the hiding the Sword of Gryffindor, Severus must utilize even the most unpleasant of ideas in order to retrieve it once again- including confronting the sorting hat. Takes place during DH.


**Oh Blast!**

* * *

Severus Snape had known that the ministry might come looking for the sword of Godric Gryffindor. After all, Albus had listed it in his will to give to Potter. By listing it in his will for Potter, the old man seemed to think that the trio would realize its importance and try to get a hold of it. He wished out of leftover spite that he could think the task was unlikely, but with Granger and her unquenched thirst for logic, they were sure to try and discover the meaning behind the sword. It had to be infinitely more likely to figure out the purpose behind the sword than any of the other artifacts listed in the will. After all, Albus had seemed certain the last time that he had talked to Severus that this sword was the only way to defeat many of the Dark Lord's horcruxes. It had been the only way for Albus to overcome the ring of Salazar Slytherin without destroying the actual artifact. Severus knew of a potion he could make, but it would certainly damage the artifacts as well. It seemed that having the sword was imperative to destroying the dark magic in the artifacts once and for all. Potter had spent quite a deal of time with Albus during the last year, so it wasn't unreasonable to suggest that Potter might know how to wield the sword properly. Therefore, the sword needed to be protected, and without the Dark Lord's suspicion. The best plan would involve making a copy, a copy that would fool even himself.

However, when the castle wards were breached by Rufus Scrimgeour, Severus Snape wasn't quite sure what to do. He hadn't even commissioned a copy to be made. The original sword had been hanging up in a display case since Potter had pulled it out of the hat in his second year, and Severus Snape couldn't afford to lose it now. If the ministry got their hands on the sword, Severus had no doubt that the sword would remain there perhaps permanently. At this point, there was only one thing left to try, short of dropping it out of the tower window. He picked up the sword and hastily thrust it back into the sorting hat. It wasn't a moment too soon. As the hilt disappeared into the hat, there was knocking on the door to his office. Severus hastily placed the sorting hat back into place and smoothed his robes before striding over to the door and opening it. Standing in the doorway was Rufus Scrimgeour with an auror behind him. Severus refreshed his occlumency shields before greeting the minister.

"Minister Scrimgeour, a pleasure to see you. What brings you to Hogwarts?" he asked smoothly, ushering the minister into his office. He had to appear calm and collected; otherwise, the minister might suspect something was amiss. Too positive of a demeanor would bring unwanted suspicion; however, too negative of a demeanor would seem faked.

"I've come to collect the sword of Gryffindor," Rufus responded, glancing around the office as if he expected it to be laid out on a platter awaiting his arrival. Ironically, it _had_ been laid out previously. "It must be collected and tested for Dumbledore's will, per ministry book of procedures article 172, section 53, procedure 694."

Now that _obviously_ hadn't been rehearsed, Severus thought to himself snidely. Procedure number and all? The ministry had surely combed the book to find any theoretical way to collect that sword. He would need to look up that policy to see what all it entailed, and what loop holes he would be able to utilize.

"I apologize, minister," Severus said. "Unfortunately, even I am not privilege to what goes on in the mind of Albus Dumbledore, and I am afraid that the location of the sword is one of several other things he did not deem worthy to share."

"Perhaps I haven't made myself clear, Severus," Rufus cut in, with an air of contempt. "I cannot leave without that sword. You must pass it on."

Although he was well on his way to matching the worthlessness or Fudge, past dealings had revealed exactly what Rufus Scrimgeour thought of Death Eater scum, redeemed or not. Severus had to guess that he would not be at the top of the minister's Christmas card list. Stalling too much longer would only make Rufus more likely to inspect the sword much more closely than Severus could afford him to.

"Minister, I must impress upon you the role that sword has played to Hogwarts," Severus started smoothly. "It is an important artifact from the birth of this school, and removing such an important historic piece would be detrimental to the students. I'm sure Minerva would agree."

Bringing up Minerva would likely earn him a slight reprieve. Rufus had always liked the transfiguration professor, and Minerva certainly would not be happy to lose a relic tied to the founder of her house.

"Is Minerva currently here?" Rufus asked.

"I believe she is in her office, writing the letter for the upcoming school year."

"In that case, I believe I will go down and have a chat with her. You have until I return to find it, or I will have the aurors come turn apart this office and your personal office in order to find it," Rufus deadpanned.

"In that case, minister, I hope to have found it from wherever Albus left it before your return," Severus returned, bowing to the minister, with his robes billowing behind him.

Severus gave a sigh of relief as Rufus walked out of his office. As soon as the minister was far enough away and he had ensured that no listening spells were left behind, he formulated his plan.

"Snippy!"

"How's a can Snippy help Master Snapey?" the house elf asked, appearing in front of Severus with nary a pop. Severus winced slightly at the butchering of his name. For some odd reason, his personal house elf had never been able to pronounce his name correctly. However, Master Snapey was infinitely better than "Master Snakey", which was what many of Hogwart's elves called him.

"Snippy, I need assistance with a delicate matter that I fear I can only trust you with."

"Master Snapey, I's a be happy to help with whatever it's may be."

"Snippy, are you able to replicate an inanimate metal object on a long term scale?"

"Master Snapey doesn't think that Snippy can help him," Snippy muttered. "Snippy will show Master Snapey that Snippy can help him. Snippy will make this object, yes he will."

"Snippy, do you remember the sword that Albus kept in this office? The one with the rubies on the hilt in this case?"

"Harry Potter's swordey?"

Severus nearly rolled his eyes. Why did Potter keep coming up? He couldn't seem to escape him. However, he caught himself and motioned for Snippy to continue.

"Yes Master Snapey. Snippy is a good elf. Snippy can copy the swordey but Snippy will need Goblin metal to make it."

"I believe we can spare one of the suits of armor on the sixth floor for this purpose," Severus responded dryly. It was a blessing that the particular suit of armor was goblin made, for it had been enchanted one too many times and now yelled, "Boo" whenever anyone passed by. It was quite the nuisance. Then again, the fact that it was Goblin metal might have had something to do with the enchantment holding. In a flash, the suit of armor stood in the office and began reforming before their eyes. In minutes, it had transitioned into an accurate replica of the Sword of Gryffindor, powered with a bit of innate magic. It was only a quick trip to the room of lost things before adequate replacement stones were found as well. In fact, standing in front of the replica, Severus reasoned that the only reason he knew it was different was because he had watched it being made. It certainly would not fool a goblin, but the Ministry wouldn't likely let the Sword anywhere near the goblins for fear that they would attempt to claim it. It would work for now.

"Thank you, Snippy, for your help. You may name the reward of your choosing," Severus stated, before dismissing Snippy. The rest would be a rushed job, for Severus had no doubt that Rufus would be back soon. He couldn't just say that he had mysteriously found the sword with no signs of a search. He sighed; he hated mess and clutter, but there was no other way readily available to convince the minister that his search had been legitimate. Why did he have to take part in all of Albus's ministrations? Surely Potter and his friends would be able to handle their search by themselves, without needing to provide the clue of the sword in the will. Granger definitely had the wits to figure it out, and as much as it pained him, so did Potter. All he really would have needed to do would have been to provide the sword in a location they could find. Albus hadn't viewed it in the same manner at all. He had purposely included the sword in his will so that Potter would gain the necessary insight to defeat the Dark Lord. Since it wasn't Severus's will, he supposed he really had no say in how the matter was handled as long as the matter was executed properly. He sighed, and called for a glass of tea. Duty was calling, unfortunately.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Rufus Scrimgeour swept into the office, a smug expression clearly signifying that he did not expect Severus to find the sword by the time he returned, and that he was going to enjoy every minute of trashing—pardon, searching the office. The last thing he expected, Severus noted as he took a sip of his tea, was for the sword to be gleaming on the headmaster's desk.

"Wherever did you find the sword?" Rufus seethed.

Severus wanted to smirk, for the man in front of him was turning a rather lovely shade of puce. However, that would give away his plan. Instead, he shook his head at the disgruntled man, before offering him a cup as well.

"It was a harrowing experience," Severus said, measuredly. "One I would endeavor not to repeat anytime in the near future."

"I must insist upon the location, Snape," Rufus responded, refusing the tea. Severus wondered, not for the first time, why the man had been pushed to the role of minister. He had been a tremendous auror, but wasn't living up to the role of Minister of Magic. He was far too domineering.

Severus broke off his train of thought and stood up, gesturing to the back room door.

"It was in Albus's quarters."

Severus had not had the opportunity to sort through all of Albus's items, and it was fortunate that he hadn't. He doubted that he could have made Scrimgeour screech to a halt as fast as the flickering, glowing, generally loud pile in front of him. Rufus Scrimgeour had been brought to a standstill by a pile of spread out, dirty underwear. For those whom had made faces at Albus Dumbledore's eccentric robes, it was safe to say that he had been mocking them with what lay underneath. There were boxers that sparkled, briefs that glowed in bright daylight (forget about in the dark), even unmentionables that rapidly ran through every color known to man, and some that weren't discovered yet. Right in the middle of the pile was an empty sheath. Rufus blanched considerably at the sight in front of him.

"I take it this is where you found the sword?"

"I believe that you now understand why I deemed the experience harrowing, do you not?" Severus replied in kind.

"Yeah I reckon I do," he answered, slowly backing out of the private quarters.

"Would you like me to package them up for the will reading as well?"

"No, no… that isn't necessary. I'm sure Aberforth can just come pick it up on his own time. In fact, I believe I'll just be on my way," he said, grabbing the sword from the desk and heading toward the floo. "I'll bring it back after we determine what purpose it serves."

With that, he disappeared into the flames. Severus sighed, again. That was one problem taken care of. However, he still had to get the sword back. He knew he couldn't handle that in the same way. He sank back into the Headmaster's chair, pulling the sorting hat in front of him. What exactly was he supposed to do? Yell into the hat, "Paging the Sword of Gryffindor! Sword of Gryffindor, please come to the front of the sorting hat and meet your party?"

"Think, Severus, think!"

He had to admit that it hadn't been his brightest moment to blindly shove the sword into the sorting hat. He reached over to grab the sorting had and jammed his hand into the hat, hoping not to slice off a finger in the process. He clenched his hand around thin air.

"I call for the Sword of Gryffindor," he said, grasping again only to find the same result.

"How on earth did Potter pull the sword out of the hat," he wondered, not for the first time. The situational irony linking this feat to Arthur pulling out Excalibur was not lost on him. He dearly hoped that it wasn't one in the same, for he doubted he could explain away the loss of the sorting hat.

"I, Severus Snape, master of this school, command you to give me the sorting hat!."

If anything, the fates (along with every portrait on the wall) appeared to be mocking him.

"Oh blast!"

Over the course of an hour, he would pause, consider the issue, and then attempt a new solution only to have it fail. He had even employed the same wording he had used on Potter's joke parchment, albeit with a less exciting outcome. In the end, after at least five cups of tea, a wasted hour, and an extremely effective headache potion, he finally just swiped up the sorting hat and jammed it on his head, feeling remarkably silly.

"Well now, it's about time," The sorting hat stated loudly, causing Severus (though he would never admit to it) to jump slightly.

"I didn't know you were in the mood to speak," Severus responded dryly.

"It's a bit difficult to get a word in in the middle of a cavity search, if I do say so myself," the sorting hat answered, perched precariously atop Severus's head. "But back to the matter at hand."

"I need to retrieve the Sword of Gryffindor."

"Ah yes. Godric's own sword. It can only be drawn and wielded by a true Gryffindor in a time of need," the sorting hat reminisced.

Severus paled at that comment. Drat. In his haste to hide the sword, had he truly made it impossible for him to locate it again?

"There is a way that you might be able to locate it," said the sorting hat, chuckling at Severus's expression over having his thoughts read. "No amount of legilimency will be able to keep me out of your thoughts, Severus. However, your subconscious is a bit different."

"Is that so? It's a wonder that you are properly able to sort children then," Severus sniped back.  
"Perhaps it is time to retire you."

"Ah, witty, Severus," the sorting hat responded in turn. If it were possible for the sorting hat to make a face, it would have. "Very witty."

"Perhaps that is the reason I am a Slytherin."

"Actually, wit is a characteristic treasured by Rowena Ravenclaw."

Severus hated showing his emotions – he had engaged in years' worth of learning occlumency so as to not show any unbidden emotions. However, he had long prided himself based off being witty and clever; to learn that one was a trait associated with a different house shook him.

"Severus, not everyone exhibits the traits of just one house. Some don't exhibit the traits of any of the houses. For instance, a certain Ronald Weasley was placed in Gryffindor not due to the amount of bravery he possesses, but due to the process of elimination. He lacked qualities of all of the other houses, and would fare the best in Gryffindor. Since then, he has acquired the traits of said house. Mr. Crabbe and Mr. Goyle certainly did not possess cunning, loyalty, bravery or intelligence, yet they were placed in Slytherin because they admired the characteristics the house was founded on."

The sorting hat shifted, tilting at the fold to peer down at the new and inexperienced headmaster that clearly had much to learn.

"Some students do mainly have the traits of one house. Others exhibit characteristics of several houses, yet there is a clear preference on house or a notable reason that one house would be preferential to another. The Weasley twins, for instance, could have been sorted into Slytherin, Ravenclaw, or Gryffindor. However, even at that point, the boys were scheming pranksters. They were placed due to the propensity of their family being sorted into Gryffindor. However, it would not have been difficult without this tie-in. Slytherin would have seen them watched carefully, their pranks characterized as malicious and their inventions crushed. Ravenclaw would have taken away the wild imagination they possessed that allowed the two to think outside of the boundaries of magic. Therefore, Gryffindor was the only choice."

"There are others, albeit very rare, who would fare well in several houses. In recent years, both Harry Potter and Hermione Granger were very difficult to place. Mr. Potter would have done particularly well in Gryffindor and Slytherin, and fairly well in Ravenclaw. Ms. Granger would have done well in Gryffindor and Ravenclaw, and provided that no one knew she was muggleborn, in Slytherin as well. With those two, I believe the house I chose was apt for the later situation. Less recently, it was difficult to place a certain Lily Evans and a gangly kid by the name of Severus Snape." Here, the sorting hat broke into a grin, most likely due to the opportunity to call Severus gangly.

"Lily Evans had no preference on houses at the time I sorted her. You were later in line, and she knew almost nothing about this world, aside from what you taught her. She believed every house had its own good qualities. She was difficult, but there were few quandaries to cause issues. You came later. You were complex, difficult to sort, and had no dearth of issues. I sorted you the best I could, but I fear that I may have done you wrong. I am not a seer, Severus. I placed you in the house that, at that time, I believed would serve you best. I was torn over several, yet I believed Ravenclaw would cause you to hole up –I still do, mind you. Gryffindor, I believed would cause you to appreciate bravery and bravado. I feared that that house would put you down the path that your father took. You were afraid of becoming like him even at that point, and would have done everything to avoid it. I neglected to see that at the time."

"How is this pertinent to the matter at hand?" Severus asked.

"Simple. It all pertains to house sorting."

"Please make your point."

"You need to find the Sword of Gryffindor, and I am looking to rectify an old mistake."

Severus sighed; he doubted that it would be that simple.

"What exactly will this involve?"

"I will need to be able to access your subconscious, so the occlumency shields need to go down."

"And what's to stop me from dragging Minerva up here and making her put you on instead?"

That was presuming that Minerva would still talk to him and wouldn't attempt to kill him on site. On second thought, asking Minerva sounded like a terrible idea, almost worthy of some that he had heard from the dunderheads he taught. Asking Minerva for assistance would be much the same as adding porcupine quills before removing the potion from the flames – disastrous and potentially lethal. He wished not for the first time that he could inform her of Albus's plans. However, it was for the best that no one else knew.

"Simple," the sorting hat responded smugly. "It wouldn't work. While the user must have the spirit of Gryffindor in them, it must also be a time of need. Minerva doesn't have need of the sword. Therefore, she couldn't draw it."

"How could you possibly expect me to extract the sword under any reasonable conditions?" Severus asked. He was beginning to reflect on whether the sorting hat was drawing him along out of loneliness, rather than any desire to assist Severus.

"Stop stalling."

"Well, by all means proceed then," Severus said, lowering his shields.

"Shall I use the traditional sorting method, or the one used over the past hundred years?"

"Sorting? New method?" Severus broke in. He had the sinking feeling that this was a bad idea.

"The houses were originally sorted into by a set of characteristics. Contrary to popular opinion, Salazar accepted muggleborns into Slytherin as long as they were intelligent enough and cunning enough to fulfill his choice characteristics. Gryffindor's bravery was noble and lacked the hot-headedness of today's students. Rowena prided students on wit and innovation, and less on learning. Helga's desire for those hard-working led to most leaders coming from her house – they were men of action and purpose."

"So why are students not sorted in this manner anymore?"

"Families wanted to maintain the integrity of legacy within sorting. Certain families wanted to ensure that their long line of house members continued, despite my beliefs. I believe it was Phineas Black who ordered me to sort students with weight given to what house their relatives were in, but only after his cousin was sorted into Ravenclaw."

"Ah… I believe I understand now why Mr. Longbottom was sorted into Gryffindor," Severus mused. Both Frank and Alice had been sorted into Gryffindor during their time at Hogwarts.

"Actually, he was pleading for Hufflepuff. Seemed to think that he belonged there, that that house was the only one he was worthy of. I placed him in Gryffindor not due to it being his parents' house, but due to the droves of bravery that he was hiding, even from himself."

Severus made a non-committal sound at that. He had seen people change over the years, so he supposed it was not too farfetched to believe that Longbottom had abundance of courage. However, that was not what was weighing heavily on his mind.

"Would I be able to make an amendment?" he asked furtively.

"I believe so."

"I presume that I will only be here for this year. However, at the start of the year after, I would like for you to revert to the original system of sorting. I would change it for this year, but I believe that it would unduly make many new students' lives hell. We can always resort afterward."

"As you command," responded the sorting hat, appearing to make an elaborate bow. There was a lengthy pause.

"I believe I am ready," Severus suddenly said. He had been sitting with this blasted hat on his head for more than 45 minutes at this point, and he was determined to ascertain how to relieve that blasted hat of the blasted sword.

"Well, now. Still have a fine mind, of course, though knowledge for knowledge's sake isn't your style, is it. There is a significant amount of loyalty now, much more than the loyalty to only Lily. However, you're playing a game where loyalty can and will kill you. So no to that. Vey cunning still, but also brave. Perhaps I should delve a bit deeper. Oh I see. You never told anyone about that. You've rescued how many muggle families? You've deceived the Dark Lord more times than anyone else would have dared. You've sabotaged more of his projects than the Order of Phoenix has. It takes cunning to do that, but it also takes great courage."

And with that, something thumped Severus on the head rather severely. He reached up into the hat and pulled out the gleaming Sword of Gryffindor. He stared at it in shock.

"I was wrong. You would have done well in Gryffindor, Severus."

Severus mutely stared at the sorting hat. How he'd wished to be in the same house as Lily.

"I won't call it aloud, for I doubt you'd want me to, but if you ever decide that you want the world to know, I'll be here. But then again, I still think we sort students too early. Maybe we could move it back to fourth or fifth year…"

The sorting hat kept muttering about its plan to reform the sorting system, but Severus was still staring at the Sword. It had been trouble getting it back, but it was worth it to know that he could help Lily's son. Lily. He wondered what she would say now. He knew he had done so many things wrong, so many things that he still had to atone for, but he never stopped missing her, not even for a minute, and never stopped loving her. Still deep in thought, he almost missed the ethereal pressure that almost passably embraced him.

* * *

A/N: This has been several years in the making - I've had a rather large writing block for quite some time now, and the stress of graduate school doesn't help. Funny thing is, when I began to work on this plot bunny, I was struggling to see it at any more than 900 words. However, once I got back to writing, certain details stood out that I just had to add in. Now, in its completed form, it is over 4000 words long. Thanks to BlueDecembers19 for beta-ing this story.

For those who read these, I'm uncertain as to whether Snape is redeemable or not. In Deathly Hallows, I believe so, but the other six books left me with a jaded impression of Snape as a bully. It left me wondering whether Dumbledore had something to do with Snape's behavior. I change my opinion back and forth on Snape, and at the point I came up with this plot, I believed him to be easily salvageable. Although this has changed several times since then, I wanted to keep it the same. So I ask you guys: Do you believe Severus Snape is redeemable?


End file.
